It’s amazing what we write when we’re in the heat of the pain in a moment. I wrote this with so many mixed emotions and now that I’m re-reading it. I feel removed from that moment. But I’m still too prideful to go back to where these words came from.
You are a dirty coward and I hate you Sooo much right now. I can hardly breathe when I try to talk to you. I can’t look you in the face because I will only burst into tears.
I hate the way I’m reacting.
I wish I never met you. I wish I didn’t need your help. I wish I didn’t need your touch. I wish I were Sooo much stronger. I wish I could take back the last 2 years. I wish I had never met you.
I want to erase you from my life.
I can’t wait to move away from you and live my own life. I can’t wait to start anew, to start fresh without you. I can’t wait to be free of these tears, free of this heartache. Free of you.
I wish I could say all this to your face, but then, I’d only wish I hadn’t said it.
If only I didn’t love you. If only I didn’t believe you when you say you love me. Everything would be so much better. So much simpler.
I wouldn’t be so broken. I wouldn’t feel so alone. I wouldn’t be lying by myself wishing so badly to be next to you. Crying, on the floor, in the dark.