Habitual

Addiction – the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma (Dictionary. com)

The words never come. They get lost on the journey, somewhere in the pride.

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Knowing better but fearing the worst. Mouth closed and unfed. Body clothed but wasting away. Mind chaotic and unresponsive.

The worries fester. Not enough smiles to hide behind. The truth creeps closer. Reality settles.

Can’t take the denial or accept the truth. Can’t speak out.

Sweating. Dry mouth. Shivering. Nothing left. Take my last sober breath.

And relapse. 

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Departure

When you are in any situation and you feel like you can’t escape, be faithful and believe you can make it to the next level.
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Wandering around this cage. Barely living. Enraged by the lack of caring. Downplayed by my lack of experience. Uninformed and easily replaced. Loyalty isn’t regularly used in the vocabulary. No rolls more smoothly off the tongue.

No peace or silence. Ringing continues in my ears. Never ceasing. Never really listening. Only speaking that morphs into screaming that spins into words of profane context.

Weapons drawn but never used. Refuse to fall into the trap with the others, lost and abused.

My escape will come soon. Not now but don’t blink. While they’re still in this cage. I’ll be walking away. Barely breathing. But still in tact.

The Wait Staff…

If you get a chance take it. Don’t forsake it because if someone else gets it because you didn’t. It’s worse than failing because you’ll never know what could of been. Me

Reality’s bombardment.
The happiness drifts. The stress rises.

Only ankle deep so I could still walk away. But I don’t. I’ll just stay and see how high it rises for another day.

Dwindling at my 9-5 from 10-7. In and out. Unimportant but of high irrelevance.

Not really living but just breathing. Not really dreaming just sleeping. In my hermit stage, too afraid to show out and take a chance.

More afraid that my consistantly mundane every day may be taken away, than excited to reach the uncertain goals I’ve set into play.

Questioning.

What to do??? Or how should I say…??? Where to go??? Or is it safer to just stay???

Waiting for inspiration to speak. But apprehension sets in. What would I do if it tells me to go???

Hearing my life come closer I tried to stop listening. Can’t it wait for tomorrow or any other day.

Am I truly ready??? Or should I continue to run out of change???

Does it pay to see what’s out there??? Or is the familiar and comfort worth more to me???

If I know the world waits for no one, why am I expecting it to wait on me???

How long will the world stop spinning to let me figure out the answers to all my executive decisions???

That may be the only answer I know for certain. 

The world waits for no one, especially on a day like today. 

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