Not the “F” bomb … but an explicit term still

I wasn’t sure if this was a smart blog topic or if I’m going to far into my personal deep thoughts. At that moment I knew I needed to blog on it…

Fidelity.

I say the word but I’m not sure if it takes on a real meaning to me. Fee_dell_it_e. It’s almost like an urban legend. Someone’s told me about it and someone else can confirm it but I’ve never actually seen it and I can’t really say if I’ve experienced it. So you can’t say it doesn’t exist but you don’t have any finite proof of your own.

So, I just can’t say I’m 100% sure.

Infidelity, on the other hand, exists in full reality for me. Which is funny because I can’t say I’ve seen that firsthand but the aftermath makes it verifiable. Like if a nuclear bomb goes off and you don’t see or hear the “boom” but when the mushroom cloud disappears and a town is demolished, there’s no denial that something happened.

Fidelity somewhat fades in my mind. Infidelity always, kind of, lingers in the far left corner in the very back. It stays in the caged area where dark secrets and fears congregate. But for some reason every once in a while, infidelity escapes and runs a muck.

Not in as much as myself being a culprit but the thoughts of being a victim of the crime arises with the escape. But why???

I just always wonder why infidelity is so real but fidelity seems to be a figment of my imagination. I wonder if my views will ever change or if I’m waiting for a sign. How would I ever know, anyway???

Why is infidelity so easy to prove while fidelity is so circumstantial???

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Read the instructions…

Ever wonder if you could come with instructions for your partner??? I did, so I created this. I can’t say it makes me easier to understand or be with but it was fun to write. What would your instructions say???

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Grab my hand and pull me closer. Take my heart and hold it dear. Grasp my thoughts and know me deeper. Catch my tears and comfort me longer.      

Hear my voice and listen to me calmly. Taste my kiss and remember me passionately. Feel my skin and embrace me warmly. See my beauty and watch me graciously.     
   
Forgive my mistakes and treat me impartially. Accept my past and treat me indifferently. Honor my being and treat me respectfully. Appreciate my integrity and treat me sincerely.   
                                         
Ignite my spirit and pray with me     faithfully. Mentor my gifts and challenge me creatively. Encourage my growth and nurture me emotionally. Cherish my love and love me unconditionally.

Bipolar Disordered

After seeing how my boyfriend and myself are, I wrote these descriptions. I almost tried to box us into them, sadly. I had to realize we are different and that’s great. Not bad. We complement each other and we have to learn how to make things work…

It’s all black and white no colors to be seen. Not a drop of gray area in between. Yes or no. Bet it all now with this hand or put down your cards and fold. He’s here and ready not straddling any fences and if you are, in no time your feelings and his patience are diminished. He speaks what his mind has decided and afterwards it’s finished.

While you can’t decide who will wear what, why and when. Your black and white comes in 100 shades of gray, so you can always find a perfect blend. Unknowing of which fork to take so you walk in between. Never focused on one action, on the set of your life, you want a retake every scene. You arrive late in vibrant watercolors and rosey coke bottles. Never slow down enough to cruise but never committed to take it full throttle.

Only the heavens know the secret to this subatomic attraction.

Sometimes it will be hard but…

I’ll remember that you hold my heart for protection not for ransom. I know
that you’ll pray with me not just for me.

I’ll remember that you were made to sing. I know to laugh even if no one
else does.

I’ll remember that we both make mistakes, not one more than the other. I’ll
remember to talk not only when I want to but when it’s uncomfortable. I
know you speak your mind and that you’ll explain what you mean, sometime
after you’ve said it.

I’ll remember to hold your hand tighter to let you know that I need your
strength.

I’ll remember who you are as long as you will always be yourself. I know
you are a complete person that complements me and not just a better half.

I’ll remember that your trust has been over exerted but our faith is like
a mustard seed. I know that you don’t know it all and that you’re on this
journey to learn along with me. I’ll remember to always consider your
counsel and know you will make decisions best for not only you but
considerate to me.

I’ll remember to close my eyes every time I fall into your arms. I’ll know my
true strength when you fall into mine.

In any relationship, times get difficult and you don’t always see eye to eye. But you must always remember what you can learn from that person. So fall deeply, with an open heart and take the good with the bad. – ILIveToInspIre

No more running…

In my want to help others, I become engulfed in giving advice, proofreading and editing for others. While it’s all coming from a good place, I don’t take the time to do those things for myself. Until someone (my boyfriend to be more specific) told me, “there’s nothing to it but to do it.”

Amazingly enough, this simple phrase made me sit back and evaluate what I was doing to enrich and develop myself. Nothing. I had many good intentions; I had checked out 2 library books about Public Relations and digital media but having not read more than 10 pages out of either book after almost 2 weeks isn’t progress. With so many forms of social media and resources at my fingertips, why am I not taking advantage of each of them? I’m looking for progress in the wrong places. Instead of actually sitting down and learning something new or trying something new, I’m secretly running away from improvement.

If you have been in the same predicament as me, STOP RUNNING. Take your own advice you keep giving to everyone else. Take the time you give to others out of your own schedule and put it into your own development. Let go of the fear of failure and the fear of the unknown. Revamp your website, write a new post in your blog, try something new with your social media, read some books, do some research and create some greatness.

I’m taking on my self development plan, right now, as we speak. Progression, here I come.

– ILIveToInspIre