Playing hide and seek…

I just looking for comfort and security. We’ve been playing games for so long, I’ve almost forgotten what I’m searching for. Sometimes I think I’ve almost got it in my grips and just as quickly it slips away. It’s such a hurtful feeling when I realize it’s gone. It hurts even more to think it may not exist. I’m even starting to think maybe I’m sabotaging myself. Maybe I’m searching for it in all the wrong places and that’s the real issue. Maybe it just doesn’t exist in the places I’m looking in. Maybe I just need to wait until it comes to me… but what if it comes and I miss it because I’m looking in the opposite direction??? What if it comes right under my nose and I pass it like stale gum stuck on the sidewalk waiting for a trip on the bottom of someone’s shoes??? Will it come back around or will I miss my 2nd chance???

Who am I asking these questions to and who do I expect to answer??? Why is this game of searching and waiting so treacherous??? So saddening???

How many more times will I ask these same questions??? When will they get answered???

I guess I’ll just keep searching and hope they’ll show up soon. My comfort and security. 

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