Not the “F” bomb … but an explicit term still

I wasn’t sure if this was a smart blog topic or if I’m going to far into my personal deep thoughts. At that moment I knew I needed to blog on it…

Fidelity.

I say the word but I’m not sure if it takes on a real meaning to me. Fee_dell_it_e. It’s almost like an urban legend. Someone’s told me about it and someone else can confirm it but I’ve never actually seen it and I can’t really say if I’ve experienced it. So you can’t say it doesn’t exist but you don’t have any finite proof of your own.

So, I just can’t say I’m 100% sure.

Infidelity, on the other hand, exists in full reality for me. Which is funny because I can’t say I’ve seen that firsthand but the aftermath makes it verifiable. Like if a nuclear bomb goes off and you don’t see or hear the “boom” but when the mushroom cloud disappears and a town is demolished, there’s no denial that something happened.

Fidelity somewhat fades in my mind. Infidelity always, kind of, lingers in the far left corner in the very back. It stays in the caged area where dark secrets and fears congregate. But for some reason every once in a while, infidelity escapes and runs a muck.

Not in as much as myself being a culprit but the thoughts of being a victim of the crime arises with the escape. But why???

I just always wonder why infidelity is so real but fidelity seems to be a figment of my imagination. I wonder if my views will ever change or if I’m waiting for a sign. How would I ever know, anyway???

Why is infidelity so easy to prove while fidelity is so circumstantial???

The Wait Staff…

If you get a chance take it. Don’t forsake it because if someone else gets it because you didn’t. It’s worse than failing because you’ll never know what could of been. Me

Reality’s bombardment.
The happiness drifts. The stress rises.

Only ankle deep so I could still walk away. But I don’t. I’ll just stay and see how high it rises for another day.

Dwindling at my 9-5 from 10-7. In and out. Unimportant but of high irrelevance.

Not really living but just breathing. Not really dreaming just sleeping. In my hermit stage, too afraid to show out and take a chance.

More afraid that my consistantly mundane every day may be taken away, than excited to reach the uncertain goals I’ve set into play.

Questioning.

What to do??? Or how should I say…??? Where to go??? Or is it safer to just stay???

Waiting for inspiration to speak. But apprehension sets in. What would I do if it tells me to go???

Hearing my life come closer I tried to stop listening. Can’t it wait for tomorrow or any other day.

Am I truly ready??? Or should I continue to run out of change???

Does it pay to see what’s out there??? Or is the familiar and comfort worth more to me???

If I know the world waits for no one, why am I expecting it to wait on me???

How long will the world stop spinning to let me figure out the answers to all my executive decisions???

That may be the only answer I know for certain. 

The world waits for no one, especially on a day like today. 

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